If I Had $1,000,000 at Amazon

entertainment, Humor, technology

Scenario:  You are walking along the beach one hot, humid summer day, and you nearly trip over a worn, bronzed lamp.  Intrigued, you pick up the lamp, unintentionally releasing a magic genie, who has the abil–

Forget that, here’s a quicker set-up: you just found $1,000,000 lying on the ground. I don’t know how it got there, it doesn’t make sense, but BOOM! You’re rich. For the purposes of this activity, you:

  • can’t go searching for the poor soul who misplaced one million buckaroos
  • can’t donate it to charity
  • can’t invest it
  • can’t give it away
  • must spend it on Amazon

In fact, let’s pretend that the money has to be spent today and that you have to spend it on things you WANT, not things you need.  I’m talking frivolous, guilty purchases that you would only expect to win on the Price is Right.  Items straight from the Sharper Image Catalog.  Window shopping to the max:  Mad Max.

Mad Max: Sams’ Club Road

I’m going to play my own version of Supermarket Sweep and share with you some unnecessary products that would be fun to have if copious amounts of moolah suddenly rained down upon my head.  Come with me, and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination….

1.) Amazon Echo


Yes, yes, yes…I KNOW Siri can do handle many of things that Amazon’s Echo can do (to be fair, you’re actually asking an entity called Alexa, but that’s besides the point).  But, Siri’s speaker capabilities are lacking, and that’s where the Echo comes in:

She’s quicker, she’s smarter, and she’s louder than Siri.  Still not convinced? Read this article from Tech Insider on the pros/cons of Alexa vs. Siri.  Or, just check out the video below:

To learn more about the Echo, click here.

2.)Macbook with Retina Display

Don’t yell at me:  I know it’s technically an Apple product, but you can buy them straight from Amazon!  And why anyone wouldn’t use Prime shipping every day of their life is beyond me.  I use it for cotton balls.  I use it for candle lighters.  Don’t judge: you don’t live in snow-ridden Erie, PA all year round.

I eyed this beauty when it debuted last spring, but I hesitated because of the price tag.  The new keyboard looks so slick:  the computer itself is almost paper thin.  The new butterfly keyboard makes for a lighter, faster typing experience.  It’s just so….pretty.  Of course, if you eliminate girth and pounds, you need to eliminate other things elsewhere.  One of the tradeoffs?  There’s only one port, a new USB 3.1 Gen 1.  Gone are all of the other ports (ethernet and multiple USB outlets, to name a few).  If you’re following along, that means Apple will be producing adapters to the USB 3.1 so you can still hook up to a project, copy from a flash drive, and burn CDs.  But just look at it…. Amazon

I’m currently working off of a Macbook Pro, and compared to the new Macbook, it’s rather hefty.  It’s like Apple put their laptops on a exercise program after having a mid-life crisis:  the bulk is gone, they’ve done away with unnecessary features, and they’re more powerful than ever.

3.) LG Electronics 98UB9800 98-inch 4K Ultra HD 3D Smart LED TV

I love movies.  If I have extra cash to drop, I’m either buying a.) more DVDs, b.) going to the movies, or c.) buying merchandise inspired by the movies.  So naturally, I would love to get a massive TV and create a home theatre:


How big is this TV? I’m not fully aware of the comparable dimensions from the photos, but it looks big enough to require a stand akin to a school chalkboard:Amazon
AmazonThis baby weighs 225 pounds, features 98 inches of screen, and rings in at a steal:  $39,999.99.  Oh, and behold! They’re nice enough to offer free delivery.  If you use your Amazon Rewards Visa, you can earn $1,199 in cash back. And the crazy part?  THEY HAVE ONE LEFT IN STOCK.

This TV is billed as a Smart TV, but it better be able to take the SATs for me at that price.

4.) 15′ Endless Pools Swim Spa

Look, if we’re going to go big, we’re gonna go BIG:


After acquiring a 98″ TV, one has to think of the rest of the house.  My home, equipped with a monster screen, just wouldn’t look right without a 15 foot pool/spa/oasis/wonderland.


With a separate “therapy” area and “fitness” area, this cozy infinity pool would be perfect for those people caught up in tiny house craze.  Of course, the pool would take up the entire house, but it wouldn’t matter because hipster life.

Interested in installing a personal pool in your house?  That’ll cost you $28,800.

5.) Macau 1450-Model White Oak Wine Cabinet with 4 Beveled Glass Doors 


Why does this wine cellar cost $26,195? Well, I’ll tell you:

  • Two units side by side which looks as one unit when mounted.
  • Four stunning beveled decorative glass doors. Single solid oak cornice joins both units as one.
  • Complete with light, locks and factory finishing. Cellar Trellis racking (Redwood and coated aluminum).
  • Universal 3 34″” racking to fit most bottle sizes. Two Wine-Mate self-contained cooling systems (1500BTU each).
  • Digital temperature controls. Three coats of finish, any color you like. Approx. Bottle Capacity: 960.

A few things…this thing can be MOUNTED?  Do you know how expensive it is to mount a small 20″ TV? And speaking of expensive, this Wine Cave of Wonders can hold 960 bottles.  All I have to say is:  #lifegoals.

If you had an unlimited budget, what would YOU buy on Amazon? Click here to pursue the merchandise and then post about your window shopping in the comments!