5 Mom Observations About My Blog
It’s no secret that my mother is technologically illiterate. Still, she has her moments. She’s conquered her Bluetooth car speakerphone, she’s able to play music on her iPhone, and I think she’s finally figured out her Blu-Ray player, thus finally solidifying her place in the early 2000’s.
The other thing about my mother you may or may not know is that she keeps me humble. She’s very proud of my accomplishments, but only has so much room in her Compliment Box. She really enjoys my writing, but she has many issues with actually getting on my site. Don’t misunderstand me: she’s very, very supportive of me. However, when I ask her to point, click, type, search, browse or buffer, ain’t nobody got time for that.
The following are actual statements uttered by my mother at one point during the re-launch of my blog. No matter how many views I get, or shares I receive, she will always bring me back to earth with her frankness. I hope you all can share a chuckle today and appreciate the sarcasm and wit our mothers give us on a daily basis.
1.) “All I get are these things just popping up. I click, and more things pop up.”
Mom, those are called “pop up ads.” I employ them on my site to make (a tiny bit of) money. You don’t have to click them, but just know that these are an unavoidable part of the Internet. No, your computer isn’t TRULY infected. No, you don’t need to call a special number. No, no one is taking your computer hostage. Just find that little X in the corner and click that instead.
My mother called me once because a pop up told her to call a telephone number and send a payment. Moms Everywhere: this is ALWAYS a scam. What you should do is actually call that number, play along for a few minutes, and then ask the person on the other end of the line “HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?” because they are just trying to steal your money!
2.)”Okay, I’ve heard it. Now what?”
I still don’t know if my mom knows what YouTube is, let alone a song cover. I’ve recently published a few of these videos on my channel, and I’ve mentioned casually to her that she should check them out. I’ve even sent her a direct link via text message. All she needs to do is click on the link, and it would take her instantly to my video.
Well, forget that, because I not only needed to text it to her, I then needed to actually open up her phone with her standing behind me, watching my every movement like a raptor. I had to physically click on the link I had sent her in the first place, and then the video started playing. I handed her the phone, she put it up to her ear, listened for 15 seconds, and said:
“Okay, I’ve heard it.”
Mind you, the first 5 seconds of the video includes a short introductory stinger before I actually start singing. The Mom has no time for my singing nonsense.
3.)”I miss reading your articles.”
On my site, I cover a wide variety of topics: movies, television, music, fitness/health and tech. I run my site by myself, with the occasional guest writer contributing a piece or two every week. So, for the most part, I am writing all of the articles that appear on my blog.
Still, this doesn’t deter The Mom from giving me her sassy two-cents: “I miss reading your articles.” Mom, ALL of the articles are my articles. I write them all, except for when it says “Guest Writer.” Her response?
“No, I don’t mean those. I miss when you’re funny.”
She’s referring to the articles that have nothing to do with pop culture, just the pieces that come inspired from my own brain. She has no time for Captain America. Who cares about Game of Thrones? Screw Justin Timberlake’s latest single, it’s just not funny!
4.)”I got your email. It’s confusing. What am I supposed to do?”
I send out weekly E-Blasts, which are emails with a round-up of articles covered during the week on my blog. It’s a pretty easy interface: I present my readers with a series of pictures, marked with colorful titles that explain what you will be viewing should you click on them.
Well, #1: I had to sign up my own mother for these E-Blasts, because she couldn’t figure out how to do it. When she finally started receiving these messages, she was thoroughly confused.
Well, I have all of these pictures. What are they? I don’t know what to do with this.
Click on them, Mom. Just tap, tap, tap away. Look! Content boxes! These videos are under a heading titled “YouTube Covers,” so this is where—
Okay, well I don’t want to talk about this right now.
5.) “Yes, I listened…to about 20 minutes…then I got tired and fell asleep.”
To help promote my blog, I created a podcast about one month ago. This has been a very fulfilling endeavor, and actually takes up quite a bit of my blog time now. It’s been going so well that we were actually interviewed by our local paper for an article on podcasting. Does any of this matter to The Mom?
I’ve tried to get her to listen in to our show. The first episode she attempted to play resulted in her turning it off after 20 minutes because “it was just too long.” When I’ve encouraged her to tune in again, she’s been on record to say that “the things we talk about she’s not familiar with.” Okay, I can understand that for our podcasts on Game of Thrones, and even Captain America: Civil War. But we don’t always talk about current movies or events! Still, The Mom seems to have an attention span of approximately 14 minutes, 37 seconds before she shuts off our podcast, turns on Law & Order: SVU, and calls it a night.
The Mom has no time for my long-windedness.