To anyone in a 3-mile radius of my house last night, I apologize. I’m sure my incessant shrieking prompted many of you to call animal control, but I’m here to tell you that no cats were harmed in last night’s viewing of “Game of Thrones.” I may have opened a new portal to hell with the frequencies my screams created, but other than that, everyone is fine!
I’m here, as a survivor of GOT’s Episode 9, “The Dance of Dragons”, to tell you one important thing: dem Thrones is back and better than ever. I think viewers will agree that Season 5 has progressed at a much slower pace than seasons past. We’ve had to deal with a lot of exposition which has delivered more questions than satisfying answers:
- Where is the TJ Maxx in Meereen that is selling all of those Harpy masks?
- Who is winning the epic game of Monopoly that Brienne and Podrick have been playing all season long?
- Will Jon’s hair eventually grow into a protective helmet around his head?
- Will Dusty Cersei ever repent?
- Will Captain Friendzone ever discover the art of skin exfoliation?
Sadly, none of these questions were answered in Episode 9 (although Jon’s hair was on point in all of its bushy glory). However, “The Dance of Dragons” brought a huge fireball of an ending, yielding reactions in my household that ranged from chest bumps to soiled underwear. Read on for Episode 9’s recap! The Wall This locale brought the least amount of movement. No, seriously. It took about 10 minutes for 300 extras to walk about 50 feet. We find our Lord High Commander leading a flash mob of Wildling recruits back to the Wall and discover that no one is all that happy about it. Olly continues his streak of forlorn stares and dramatic left turns.
Dorne Jaime and Prince Doran decide to set down for high tea and hash out some important plot points:
- Prince Doran, unlike anyone else in this show, would like to keep the peace between Dorne and Westeros, and therefore does not want to launch into a plan of revenge.
- He realizes that he must obey King Tommen and decides send to Myrcella back to King’s Landing.
- However, he also decides to let Myrcella and Trystane stay engaged (those crazy lovebirds!) as long as Trystane can join the Small Council as Oberon’s replacement.
I am still in mourning from Oberon’s death, so I’ve been staunchly on Team Ellaria since last season. Girlfriend’s obviously having a hard time not sticking a spear into someone before lunchtime, so instead she enjoys dramatically sashaying away in her glorious Dorne frock.
In a heartbreaking scene, Ellaria is forced to swear her allegiance to Prince Doran or die. Given the fact that she shimmies so well in her wardrobe, she chooses life, and I choose to hope that there’s still vengeance out there somewhere for Oberon. Braavos Arya continues to play Red Lobster out along the harbors of Braavos. There’s a really obvious clam joke made, but before laughter can break along the lips of 16-year-olds everywhere, Arya spots a new visitor: Meryn Trant. Now, if you’re paying attention, you’ll realize that this man lands pretty high on Arya’s version of Family Feud (“Name one person you’d like to kill.”). He’s partially responsible for Ned’s death back in Season 1, and you can pretty much guess what attracts Arya’s attention for the rest of the episode.
Meryn’s escorting Lord Tyrell to the Iron Bank of Braavos, but as people are want to do in this show, Trant winds up in a brothel. Ayra follows suit, where she discovers that Meryn’s tastes run on the younger side. The much, much, much younger side. He turns down girl after girl until he settles on one that makes us all a little uncomfortable. Ayra is shooed out of the brothel, but you can definitely see where this storyline is heading next week.
Stannis & The March to Winterfell
I’ve seen a lot on GOT. I’ve seen torture, incest, beheadings, and even a man shot on the toilet. But Stannis has now cemented himself as one of the most irredeemable players in the series with his actions in Sunday’s episode.
If you’ve been following the series, I don’t even need to explain what happened, but it did. The thing you didn’t think would happen happened. In an attempt to reinforce his army (which was attacked by a Ramsay-led party of 20 men in the middle of the night) and strengthen his claim on the Iron Throne, Stannis makes the decision to sacrifice his daughter to the Lord of Light. If you’re like me, you may have sat there reasoning that “he only made his decision! There’s a chance Davos will save her, or the White Walkers will interrupt, or she’ll develop super powers of her own!”
Sadly, none of these things came to light, and Shireen went the way Mance Rayder was supposed to go earlier this season. On a tender note, the tragic ending of this location’s weekly plotline was beautifully juxtaposed by a poignant conversation shared between Davos (Liam Cunningham) and Shireen (Kerry Ingram). One of my favorite moments of the episode.
Settle in, kids. I’ve saved the best for last. This episode ain’t called “The Dance of Dragons” for nothing! Dany continues to oversee the re-opening of the fighting pits, much to her chagrin. We get to watch some innocent flirting between her and Daario (what is it with multiple vowels? Braavos? Meereen? Tyriaaaaaaaaaaan?), and we see the re-arrival of Captain Friendzone.
Jorah, deciding he’s not had enough personal shame for one week, returns to the fighting pits to prove to Daenerys that he’s a likable fellow. And prove it he does, slaying the many foes around him in an Oberon-like conquest (did anyone else get nervous when he only stabbed that guy once? ONCE?!? Have we learned nothing from our DVRs, Jorah?). But before he can celebrate, we see him launch a spear directly towards Daenerys’ head. We instantly find out that his spear imbedded itself into one of the Sons of the Harpy, who had somehow crept onto Daenerys’ platform undetected. The bad news doesn’t end there: apparently the whole arena is full of these masked men, and all hell breaks loose, a la “Attack of the Clones.”
The Sons of the Harpy descend on our heroes, which at this point includes Dany, Tyrian, Daario, Hizdahr, and Missandei. A lot of kills happen in fast succession, including Dany’s fiance, Hizdahr (at least he was eloquent). Tyrian even gets in on the fun, saving Missandei from an attacker. In another of my favorite moments from the episode, Jorah offers his hand (and protection) to Daenerys, temporarily releasing him from the Zone of Friend. She accepts, because, living, and tries to run away with him and Daario. However, the Harpy-ites corral Daenerys & Co. in the center of the arena, and all looks pretty much lost. The Harpys are multiplying like a White Walker’s rabbit, and Missandei grabs Dany’s hand. This instantly reminds me of:
We think our heroes are done for, and apparently so does Daenerys, who closes her eyes in a pleading trance to Whichever God Doesn’t Have His Dial Up Modem Connected at the moment. And then, we are given the scene we have been waiting all season for.
Drogon suddenly reappears in a blaze of wings and glory. Before you can say “dracarys,” he’s made quick work of about 20 Harpys. We’ve got one bitten in half, we’ve got 12 on fire, and at least 7 more stomped upon. However, after a number of spears find their ways into his side, he starts to slow down. Here comes the moment of truth. Daenerys approaches Drogon hesistantly, and seeing as how his brothers greeted her a few episodes back, we think this is a good idea. But behold! Drogon must have read “The Secret” because he seems a lot calmer and way more balanced. In the final crescendo to the episode, Dany climbs on top of Drogon and flies off into the sunset. It’s the most exciting and exhilarating ending to an episode I’ve seen in a long, long time.
So, what do you think? Where will the Season 5 finale bring us next week? Do you have any predictions? Are you happy to see Jorah reunited with Daenerys? Enter your thoughts in the comments below!