P.S.A. #2: The Art of the Dutch Oven
Written by Patrick Thiem
Where did the term “Dutch Oven” come from?
A Dutch oven is a cast iron cooking pot with a tight-fitting lid. The heavy lid fits so well that steam cannot escape the pot while it is cooking. All the ingredients in the pot are cooked at the same time, trapping juices and aromas together while it bakes. According to Wikipedia, the Dutch were far more advanced than the English at cooking in this style. An Englishman named Abraham Darby went to the Netherlands and took this cooking style to America where it was patented.
Through the years, the term Dutch Oven has taken on a different meaning. The definition remains: a chamber to seal in juices and aromas in an enclosed space…but the application has evolved.
The new wrinkle often appears when two people really love each other. There comes a point in a great relationship where the happy couple becomes very comfortable with each other. Walls are broken down, couples become more relaxed, and nothing can be hidden. So many wonderful things happen at this point in the relationship… and some NOT so wonderful things happen. There is one fact that seems to evade our thought process as a relationship evolves. Remember… everyone poops!
More than that, everyone toots.
I care not who you are…at some point air must come out of your body, and there are only two exits. So, when two people get comfortable enough with one another, they share even the deepest, darkest things. They have such a desire to share everything…even their aromas. Thus, the art of the Dutch Oven was born.
Again, according to Wikipedia, a Dutch Oven (a.k.a. a “covered wagon”), is a toot chamber created by pulling a blanket over someone’s head and breaking wind, typically not to the delight to the partner.
Depending on what type of food is consumed, you can name your Dutch Oven accordingly…examples include:
- White Castle Dutch Oven
- McDonalds Dutch Oven
- Bean Dip Dutch Oven
- Beer Dutch Oven (especially bad the next morning)
- Extra Hot Chicken Wings Dutch Oven
Sometimes Dutch Ovens are done on accident…sometimes they are done on purpose. The act is not only limited to just the bedroom… and it is not always at the expense of others. It is totally possible to Dutch Oven yourself!
Examples of places you can be sealed up in your own poison are:
- Space suits
- Deep sea diving suits
- Your own car
- In the doctor’s office while you wait for the doctor
- A cube or office at work.
I have heard rumors of shopping at “Bed Bath and Beyond” and being Dutched Oven by a loved one while walking down the aisles, but this is technically NOT a Dutch Oven because of the open air.
Both parties in a relationship are open game for such displays of love. In some cultures, once you Dutch Oven a loved one, you are technically considered married.
The most important thing to remember is that it is a display of love and devotion. It is a sign the relationship has taken a step in the right direction. It shows a level of comfort between two people, a level most couples strive to attain. It should be welcomed with open arms and intense cuddling afterward.
It should not be met with disdain or comments like:
“That is just plain nasty, you should be ashamed of yourself.”
“If you do that again, you are going to be sleeping on the couch.”
“How can you tell me you love me then try to kill me?!?”
Remember, it’s the smell of love in the air….
Patrick Thiem really enjoys brussel sprouts. He occasionally solves computer problems, enjoys crooning, and enjoys a passion for bourbon. You can dive into his insanity on Twitter (@bsmued) or look for him on See, Here’s the Podcast.