Game of Thrones S6E2 Recap: “Home”
Let’s just get one thing out of the way: there’s a big, fat, stinkin’ elephant in the room and I can’t wait to talk about it. But first, let’s not forget that Episode 2 (“Home”) held a lot of other wonderful, horrible, tremendous, and terrible things (seriously, how many heads do you have to bash against a wall to get someone’s attention?). Before we get to that shaggy-haired elephant, let’s talk about:
Beyond the Wall
First of all, how stoked were you to see three Three-Eyed Raven again, if only because that’s Max Von Sydow from Star Wars: The Force Awakens?!?
Second, it seems like the Raven is doing some awakening of his own with Bran, who seems to be having a euphoric vision while hanging on to a tree…a “treegasm,” if you will. And that ethereal projection brings Bran straight back to Winterfell, amidst a busy courtyard highlighting a young Ned, Benjen, and Lyanna Stark.
This is epic for many reasons, the most notably being the rad theory about Lyanna Stark’s history. But, the epic-ness is certainly upped when we get a glimpse of a young Hodor (who surprisingly has a vocabulary bigger than one word). And Hodor has a name!
Bran wants to observe the action in a by-gone Winterfell a little while longer, but the Three-Eyed Raven pulls him back to reality, comparing staying in a trance like swimming: you shouldn’t stay under for too long.
We also get a brief look at what Meera’s been up to (apparently making snow angels and moping).
She’s cold, and she’s tired, but the weird wood nymph from Season 5 gives her something to hold on to when she declares than Bran will “soon need her” (because we all know he can’t make snow angels on his own).
Frankenmountain is very busy in this episode. Especially in the shadows.
Our favorite head-crushin’, eye-shadow wearin’ brute of a man is apparently making good on his vow to eliminate all of Cersei’s enemies in the kingdom. He treats us to Skull Bash #1 of this episode, and it evoked a cry as involuntary as what escaped my lips when the Viper battled the Mountain.
This would go on to be an extremely loud episode in my living room. Red Weddings, Purple Weddings, and flayed penises have not seemed to dull my sensitivities (that all sounded better in my head than down on paper).
We cut to Cersei, who’s preparing to attend Myrcella’s funeral. She doesn’t quite make it, however, because Tommen has barred her from leaving her quarters to keep her safe (or are they going to full-on shave her head and make her do ANOTHER Walk of Shame?). Cersei’s not having it, but she doesn’t have much choice: a legion of Kingsguard blocks her path.
Meanwhile, Tommen and Jaime discuss how nicely Myrcella’s death eye contacts go with her dress. After Jaime encourages Tommen to visit his mother, they are interrupted by the High Sparrow, who intimidates the hell out of Goldfinger. To sum up: what the High Sparrow has is stronger and and more powerful than the entire royal family.
Tommen and Cersei share a tender moment alone, bonding over their similar hair cuts.
- Arya is stil blind.
- The Waif is still kicking her ass.
- Jaqen returns, tempting her with shelter, food, and an Apple Watch.
- Arya refuses all three, thus winning his trust. Sheer comic brilliance ensues as Arya tries to navigate the longest staircase in Braavos.
The kids on the other side of the sea are just chillin’ with plenty of wine. Bonding topics include not having male genitalia, as Tyrion points out. He’s especially snarky during the exchanges in this scene. Tyrion’s Daily Wisdom for Life? “I drink and I know things.” I need this on a bumper sticker, STAT.
The masters have retaken Yunkai and Arapour, the fleet lies at the bottom of the ocean, and the dragons have taken up a fad diet (i.e. they’re not eating). And we know how they’re not themselves when they haven’t had a Snickers. Since Daenerys is MIA, we’re gonna need someone to stand in for the Mother of Dragons.
Enter Tyrion: Father of Geckos. Our favorite Lannister is bold/crazy enough to try and reason with the dragons without the aid of a lamb chop or Five Guys Burger. He enters Rhaegal & Viserion’s cell with only a torch in his hand, and retells an extremely moving story about his long lost dream to see a dragon. The story works, because the dragons don’t use Tyrion as an hors d’oeurve. In fact, they allow him to take off their iron harnesses and walk straight back to Varys, who’s awaiting him at the door. Tyrion’s response to his surprising bravado? “If I ever have an idea like that again, punch me in the face.”
A forest outside of Winterfell
Sansa and Brienne are having a nice heart-to-heart (Arya’s still alive!) when Theon tells them he cannot accompany them to the Wall due to guilt. He believes he does not deserve Jon or Sansa’s forgiveness and vows to return home, simply because that is the name of the episode.
As Samuel L. Jackson once poignantly said, “Hold on to your butts.”
Roose Bolton is not having a good day. He’s ticked that Sansa and Theon have escaped, plus he’s dealing with a bloodthirsty Ramsay. And I mean bloodthirsty. The dude’s got a massive craving to finish off the Starks, and he’ll start by killing Jon Snow. Roose is not impressed with his plan, cautioning Ramsay to not come off looking like a “mad dog.”
Roose’s day goes from bad to slightly better when the maester of the castle rushes in to announce the arrival of his newborn son. That day quickly nosedives when Ramsay promptly fatally stabs him in the gut, thus solidifying the fact that Roose is now having the #worstdayever. He dies, leaving an incredibly shocked maester and 10 points to Slytherin
Oh, but Ramsay’s not done yet. He calls on Walda and Baby Bolton, leading them both to “meet his father.” Well, in a way, he’s not lying, because this “meeting” leads them straight into the hounds’ pen. Ramsay slowly begins opening the hounds’ cages, and it is all too clear what’s about to happen. When Walda realizes what’s going on, she begs Ramsay to release her and her newborn. She signs her own death warrant when she cries “Ramsay, he’s your brother,” because Ramsay’s response is “I prefer being an only child.” His shrill whistle releases the hounds onto Walda and Baby Bolton, which finally answers the age old question:
It’s raining cats and dogs in the Iron Islands, and Balon Greyjoy is still hell bent on raging war in the North. Yara tries, in vain, to convince him otherwise.
Balon them storms off onto a rope bridge suspended high between two buildings over the ocean. In a storm. With high winds. Anybody who’s anybody who’s seen any Indiana Jones films knows how this has to end, even without a hooded crazy man standing at the end of it…and we very much happen to have a hooded crazy man standing at the end of it.
It was instantly very confusing to me who this new character was, but it turns out to be Euron Greyjoy, brother of Balon, who claims to be a “drowned God.” As, as Drowned Gods are want to do, he promptly flips Balon over the rope bridge and into the chasm below. I’m not trying to defend him, but he did just say he was a Drowned God, not a Candy God, or a Firm Handshake God. We were warned.
At Balon’s funeral, Yara vows vengeance on whoever killed her father. She is reminded by her uncle, Aeron, that her claim on the throne relies on the results of something called the Kingsmoot. I was going to explain to you the definition of a “kingsmoot,” but I am banking on the fact that you’re giggling as hard as me and skip past this one for a bit.*
Time is up for Sir Davos and Friends, and Sir Alliser has lost his patience. He has arrows trained on the cabin containing the body of Jon Snow, and his men mean to go in fighting. Sir Davos takes up Jon’s sword, proclaiming “I’m not much of a fighter, so I apologize for what you’re about to see.” We never actually get to see what’s he’s talking about, because we’re interrupted by a huge pounding at the gate (i.e. angry giant).
Fun Fact: did you know that the giant’s name in Game of Thrones is Wun Wun? I know, I know…your first assumptions would lead you to believe that he was named by George Lucas or anyone else responsible for the mess which was Jar Jar.
But fear not! Wun Wun had nothing to do with The Phantom Menace AND he brings us Skull Bash #2 of the episode, courtesy of a Night’s Watchmen and a stone wall.Sir Alliser and his men are quickly overwhelmed (really, they didn’t put up much of a fight), and Edd places the traitorous few in jail.
Elswhere in Granny Land, Melisandre is moping with the fervent apathy of a 12-year-old at a Fall Out Boy concert. Sir Davos calls upon her to see if she can swish & flick Jon Snow back to life, but she’s not convinced she’s capable of such magic (she’s already tried “sunshine daisies butter mellow turn this stupid fat rat yellow,” but that failed miserably). In a surprisingly humble turn of events, Davos admits that he somewhat believes in her power, citing her consumption of poison and birthing of a demon as Special Skills on her Resurrection Resumé. She’s moved enough to try, and that apparently involves a thorough sponge bath and a hair cut.
As Davos, Edd, and Tormund watch the ritual with expectancy, they are all disappointed when Jon does not revive. Slowly and defeatedly, they all exit the room, leaving a sleeping Ghost alone with Jon. All is quiet–too quiet–when:
JON SNOW LIVES.
* = a “kingsmoot” occurs when any captain may put his name forward as a candidate for the rule – as among the ironborn (“every captain is a king on his own ship”) -they may try to sway their fellow ironborn with a speech on his prowess and gifts to show his generosity; only once a vast majority call out a candidate’s name to proclaim him king does the kings moot end (via A Wiki of Ice and Fire)
What did YOU think of Episode 2, “Home?” Did you think that Jon Snow was dead for good? How much do you hate Ramsay? Will Sansa ever stop being cold? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!